8 Steps to Forgive Someone Who Has Hurt You

Healing Prayer Training

By Gena Barnhill @BarnhillGena

Anita requested a prayer appointment with the healing prayer team at her church. Following introductions and thanking Anita for her willingness to come for prayer and her desire for healing, her prayer team asked her what she would like Jesus to do for her.

She immediately responded she needed Jesus to heal her broken heart. “My best friend betrayed me by dating the man I said I was interested in. How can I ever forgive her?” She choked back sobs and her eyes focused on the floor. “How could she do this to me? I will never forgive her. She does not deserve my forgiveness!”  Anita looked up at her prayer ministers. “I shouldn’t forgive her, right? After all, what she knowingly did to me is unforgivable. I would never do such a thing.”

Her prayer ministers shared that it is often difficult to forgive someone when they have wounded us. They explained that forgiveness benefits us, not our offender. It frees us when we relinquish the person and the situation to the Lord and declare that we forgive them. The Lord is then able to heal our wounded hearts by taking away the pain of the hurtful memory. Deciding to forgive is a choice we need to make to experience the peace the Lord has for us. 

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How do we forgive those who hurt us? 

  1. Recognize that we feel offended. This may sound obvious. However, we may feel agitated, anxious, fearful, or angry and may not realize the root of these emotions is a decision to feel offended.
  1. If bitterness has set in, remove its legal right to remain by quickly confessing this to Jesus. We do not want to give the enemy a reason to stay. Shut that door. This could be as simple as asking Jesus to take the offense and share His truth about the situation. Quickly choose to forgive the offender. The offender could be yourself. I frequently found it more difficult to forgive myself than to forgive others until I realized that if the Lord had already forgiven me, I had no right to hold onto unforgiveness toward myself. Forgiveness is not a feeling. It is a choice. If you struggle to forgive, ask the Lord for His help. He will gladly step in and help. 
  1. Declare that we release the wrongdoer from any debt we believe they owed us. This is not saying what they did was right or even okay. They do owe us a debt, but we are choosing to let it go.
  1. Repent for judging the person(s) who wounded us and release all judgments we made against them. In Matthew 7: 1-2, Jesus said, “Judge not, that you be not judged. For with the judgment you pronounce you will be judged, and with the measure you use it will be measured to you.” 
  1. Visualize taking the offender off our hook and placing them on Jesus’s hook. We want to turn the person and the situation completely over to Jesus to deal with as He will.
  1. Ask the Lord to renew our minds, especially if we allowed bitterness to take root. He can help us dismantle old thoughts and replace them with new ones. He can restore what we lost after surrendering our right to hang on to unforgiveness.
  1. Ask the Lord for His truth and compassion in this situation. Ask Him to show you how He sees the offender and for His help to bless that person.

*This is an excerpt from Freedom from Brokenness-Lessons Learned through Inner Healing Prayer (Brookstone Publishing Group 2022)

How have you asked the Lord for His grace to help forgive your offenders? What are some things you have done to release someone who has offended or hurt you? Be sure to share your thoughts and comments on our Facebook Group Healing Prayer Discussion at https://www.facebook.com/groups/433961681828074

Looking forward to your input.

Blessings,

Gena