Have You Believed I’ll Never be Loved? The Lies We Tell Ourselves Series

by Gena Barnhill @BarmhillGena

Lie: I will never be loved.

Truth: Nothing can separate me from the love of God in Christ Jesus who loves me with an everlasting love and heals my emotional wounds (Romans 8:38–39; Jeremiah 31:3).

In despair, Sarah poured her heart out to her friend Rebecca. “Why do I feel so unloved? It seems like I’m destined to be alone and will never find love or acceptance. I have not had a relationship that lasted more than two months. I only hear from my parents if I call them. Nobody cares about me. I fear I am unworthy of true love.”

We have heard words like Sarah’s from prayer recipients who fell prey to the deceptive belief they were unlovable. But as believers, we have access to God’s never-ending love and assurance He will never leave us.

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The Unlovable Mindset

Do you recall the children’s song, “Nobody Likes Me”¹? A child eating worms because everyone hates them sounds silly. However, the belief behind those words can create an ingrained mindset of unlovability.

This cunning lie is a tactic of the enemy to distort our relationship with God and the fullness of His love. The unlovable mindset is an ingrained pattern of thinking that convinces us we are flawed and undeserving of love. Some people we prayed with were told no one would want them once their shortcomings were revealed. Others were told no one in their family found true love and assumed they would not experience it, either. These negative perceptions, if left unaddressed, can have destructive consequences on one’s self-esteem and relationships with others and God. It is important to recognize this mindset does not define value or capacity to experience love.

The Antidote to Unlovability

God’s unconditional love is the antidote to the mindset we are unlovable. As Christians, our identity must be anchored in God’s truth and His promises of unfailing love. Romans 8:38–39 reminds us nothing can separate us from the love of God. Paul wrote, “For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.”

In Jeremiah 31:3, God said, “ I have loved you with an everlasting love.” First Chronicles 16:34 says, “for his steadfast love endures forever.” When we understand the depth of God’s love for us, we can overcome the lie of unlovability.

Renewing Our Minds

To break free from the burden of unlovability, we must renew our minds with God’s Word. Romans 12:2 encourages us to be transformed by the renewing of our minds. By meditating on Scripture and believing God’s promises, we can replace the lies with His truth. Verses like Psalm 139:14, which declares we are fearfully and wonderfully made by God, and Ephesians 2:10, which reminds us we are God’s workmanship, help us align our thoughts with His perspective.

Forgiveness and Healing

Forgiveness is an essential step toward healing from emotional wounds caused by believing the enemy’s lies. We need to forgive ourselves for agreeing with the lie we are unlovable and forgive others who contributed to this falsehood or spoke lies over us. Colossians 3:13 tells us to forgive one another as the Lord forgave us. Extending forgiveness allows us to experience God’s healing and restoration in our hearts.

Extend God’s Love to Ourselves and Others

In Matthew 22:39, Jesus commands us to love our neighbors as ourselves. When we are rooted in God’s love for us, we can love ourselves. His love heals us and empowers us to love ourselves and others. As we bask in God’s love and extend it to others, we create an atmosphere of love and acceptance and break the lie of unlovability.

Seek Other Christians

It is vital to surround ourselves with godly people. Proverbs 13:20 counsels us to walk with the wise to become wise. Connecting with fellow believers who can encourage and speak truth into our lives is invaluable. We experience God’s love and the love of others through authentic Christian community.

Believe in God’s Promises

God’s promises are our defense against lies that seek to undermine us. Romans 8:37 assures us we are more than conquerors through Christ. Psalm 34:17 reminds us the Lord hears the cries of the righteous and rescues them. He is our refuge. By contemplating these promises and declaring them over our lives, we strengthen our hearts with the truth of God’s love and provision.

We can find comfort in God’s steadfast love. Zephaniah 3:17 tells us the Lord rejoices over us with loud singing and quiets us with His love. When we surrender our insecurities and fears of unlovability to Him, we can rest assured His love will sustain and guide us.

His love heals.

Break Free from the Lie

As Christians, we must reject the lie of unlovability and believe the truth of God’s unconditional love. By spending time in His Word, seeking healing through forgiveness, learning to love ourselves and others as God loves us, and surrounding ourselves with godly people, we can break the chains of unlovability. His love is more than enough to fill the emptiness in our hearts.

The acrostic for “LOVED,” reminds us of the profound truth of God’s love:

L—Lavished with Love. The magnitude of  God’s love is not based on merit or performance. He extends His unmerited favor and love to us.

O—Overwhelming Caring. His affection surpasses our understanding. He desires a deep, intimate relationship with His children.

V—Valued and Treasured. The Lord of the universe created you with value and purpose. Others may not have treated you well, but God treasures you.

E—Extraordinary Love. God’s love is everlasting and unchanging. It existed before time began and will continue. You were always in His plan.

D—Divine Expression of Love. The ultimate expression of God’s love is demonstrated in Jesus’s sacrifice on the cross. God desires that none should perish.

As you contemplate the acrostic “LOVED,” may it be a reminder of the unconditional love God has for you. Nothing can separate you from His love. Hold onto this truth. Allow it to mold your identity, shape your relationships, and empower you to live a life rooted in His love. The Creator of the universe LOVES you.

Now it is your turn. Have you ever felt unworthy of love from God or others? If so, what Bible verses spoke to you about God’s unconditional love and high regard for you?

Be sure to leave your thoughts on our Facebook Group Healing Prayer Discussion.

Blessings,
Gena

¹Jello Productions, Nobody Likes Me, Everybody Hates Me (Guess I’ll Go Eat Worms) Funny Song with Lyric, accessed August 30, 2023, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pqt4yBWkLI8

In case you missed the rest of The Lies We Tell Ourselves Series, here are the links:

Intro to the Lies We Tell Ourselves

Overcoming the Lie “I’m Not Good Enough” and Embracing How God Sees You