Letting Go of Shame: Life-Changing Journey to Freedom
Shame
By Gena Barnhill @BarnhillGena
Letting go of shame is possible once we recognize we have partnered with this spirit.
Have you met people who continually apologize? This incessant apologizing can give the impression the person is feeling unworthy or even embarrassed for merely existing. Or perhaps you have met people who appear bossy and would not think of apologizing for anything. Instead, they try to control the people and situations around them. The spirit of shame may be operating in each of these people.
Shame Entered the World
Shame entered the world in the Garden of Eden. Adam and Eve tried to cover their shame by hiding and covering their bodies when God came to them after they ate the apple from the forbidden tree. We see the same pattern of covering and hiding today to protect ourselves. We fear being vulnerable and attempt to keep our perceived inadequacies secret.
Partnering with Fear and Control
When we feel shame, we may blame others or ourselves for our behavior. Often the spirit of shame works with the spirits of fear and control. Because we feel ashamed, unprotected, and vulnerable, we fear exposure. If our shame is uncovered, we risk others not liking and rejecting us. We then try to hide our shame and fear by controlling the situation and those around us so we are not exposed. This is exhausting! I have been there.
Letting Go of Shame #shame #healing #prayer Share on XThe Roots of Shame We Have Seen
Shame can remain dormant in our bloodlines until triggered by situations such as:
- Abandonment
- Sin
- Trauma
- Abuse
- Feeling different from others (physical, learning, cultural differences, etc.)
- Significant loss
- Illegitimacy
- Poverty
- Scapegoating
- Association with close friends or family who commit crimes
Abandonment can trigger shame. When we feel abandoned, we believe the lie we have no value, or we are a mistake or flawed. The spirit of shame is the enemy’s tool to separate us from our true identity in the Lord.
Our sins and the sins of others can lead to shame and fear that God and others may abandon us. There is nothing to be ashamed of if all our mistakes and sins are forgiven once we confess them. (See 1 John 1:9.) We can let go of shame and experience healing and freedom. If shame persists after we have confessed our sin, we need to ask ourselves why we are holding on to it when the Lord has already forgiven us. I was at that place, too.
No Rap Sheet
During our prison ministry, I told the men the Lord was not keeping a rap sheet on their sins once their identity was in Christ and they had confessed their sins. Psalm 103:12 says, as far as the east is from the west, so far does he remove our transgressions from us. Then, during quiet time alone with the Lord at my home, I sensed Him gently whisper, “What about you, daughter? Why are you not letting go of shame for the things I already forgave?”
During that encounter with the Lord, I finally understood holding on to my shame was in effect saying what Jesus did on the cross for me was not enough. That thought horrified me. Jesus gave us the ultimate sacrifice when He died on the cross for our sins. If the Lord of the universe forgave me and washed me clean, and I know He did, what right did I have holding on to past mistakes? My heart had finally accepted this powerful truth.
Where We Learn Shame
Shame can originate from interactions within the family, people in authority, society, and even the church. People may make shaming statements. When I grew up, I saw family members saying to their children, “Shame on you” as they rubbed one index finger over another. Shaming comments could include: “Why can’t you be more like your older sister?” or “Why are you so stupid?” The enemy then reinforces our negative self-belief and reminds us of our failures to keep us in bondage.
Behaviors We Have Seen Associated with Shame:
- Apologizing
- Fearfulness
- Controlling
- Unworthiness
- Avoiding conflict
- Perfectionism
- Bitterness
- Anger
- Jealousy
- Pride
- Self-rejection
- Self-hatred
- Acting like a victim
- Depression
An Issue of Identity
The spirit of shame attacks a person’s identity. Instead of thinking I made a mistake, the shame-based person believes I am a mistake. They embraced a false identity and agreed with the enemy’s lies. These lies, such as the belief God cannot forgive them, could come from the enemy or people, and lead them to expect more failure and shame. Our identity needs to be rooted in Jesus. We have heard prayer recipients say:
- “I’ve never told anyone this.”
- “No one will want to be with me if they find out.”
- “God will never forgive me.”
- “I feel so unworthy.”
We are often our biggest critics. Instead of letting go of shame, we continue to replay negative messages from others and ourselves.
Letting Go of Shame—Knowing Who I Am in Christ:
- We need to recognize the lies we have believed about ourselves. These lies created strongholds in our minds that need to be broken and renounced. Second Corinthians 10:3-5 says,
- For though we walk in the flesh, we are not waging war according to the flesh. For the weapons of our warfare are not of the flesh but have divine power to destroy strongholds. We destroy arguments and every lofty opinion raised against the knowledge of God, and take every thought captive to obey Christ.
- Ask the Lord to reveal any lies and strongholds we have believed about our identity and help us break agreements with the lies and tear down the strongholds. Ask the Lord for His truth. We want to focus on knowing and believing our identity is in Christ. Ask for forgiveness for not leading your life with Him at the center.
- Effectively pray by forgiving people, including ancestors, who influenced us to partner with the spirit of shame.
- Forgive ourselves for partnering with shame.
- Stand on the Lord’s promise in Romans 10:11, which says, For the Scripture says, “Everyone who believes in him will not be put to shame.”
- Renounce shame and break its influence over us, our families, and all future generations in the name of Jesus.
- Ask the Lord to fill us with His blessings and true freedom in Christ.
I would love for you to have an opportunity to chime in. What thoughts do you have regarding letting go of shame?
Be sure to share your thoughts in our Facebook Group Healing Prayer Discussion.
We are all stronger when we learn from each other. Looking forward to your input.
Blessings,
Gena
* Scripture quotations are from The Holy Bible, English Standard Version® (ESV).
**Editor’s Note: This post, originally published on June 19, 2023, was revamped for comprehensiveness.
In case you missed the rest of the Ancestral Influences Series, here is the link to the Archives:
https://simpleeffectiveprayer.com/category/healing-ancestral-wounds/
